Week 10: I’m…OK

When someone asks you politely “how are you feeling today?” most of my clients report to me that they only say “I’m OK” with no additional dialogue. But it really is OK, not to be OK! No one should be in a position that they feel it is not OK to feel down, to feel secretly depressed because that only leads to yourself feeling down and all alone in your struggles. Therapy is all about talking and when I reach a point when my client is doing most of the talking I consider the therapy a success. We are probably nowhere near that point in our 52-week journey, but we all have to start somewhere. This week we are going to talk about sharing and why you should be doing more of it…

If you haven’t already got one or considered using it you might want to think about getting a personal journal. Many of my clients report feeling a lot better once they get into the habit of writing things down inside of it, but it is not so much the writing down part that is making them feel better about their lives, it is the fact that they are sharing their struggles, their journey with someone else other than themselves. OK, so it’s just sharing it with paper, but it is the act of sharing that makes them feel better. Understanding the psychology of why we humans need to share things is a big part of fixing yourself and your issues. Many people with BPD simply fall into themselves and that is when the real bad issues start. You need to catch yourself before you fall into this position.

A good way to think about this is to consider just about anything viral on social media. That funny cat video you shared is all about trying to make others feel the same way you did when you watched it. It made you laugh, so you hope it will make others laugh as well. But what about emotional posts or powerful affirmations/quotes? When it comes to those you are hoping for the same thing, you hope by sharing it with others they feel the same way you did and understand you as a person a little better. So why not share how you are really feeling as well! If you don’t fully express how you are feeling, others can’t be there to comfort you when you need it most.

How happy does it make you feel when that cat video you shared gets loads of likes and reshares on social media? It makes you feel good and validated that the video was indeed funny. You just need to learn that the same thing happens with your emotional state as well. When you tell others you are feeling down and why you might find that they sympathize with you and in return that will validate why you feel down and it should make you feel OK, not to be…OK.

This Week’s Homework: Don’t worry, I don’t want you to start splurting out your emotions to others just yet, you are probably not yet in a position to do so, it was more for something to think about. What I do want you to do is to draw on your arm small emojis about how you are feeling at any time in the day. Just a simple 🙂 for happy, :- I for OK and of course 🙁 when you are feeling down.

Every time your emotions change jot a new one down (I get that many of you with BPD will have an arm full by the time the day is over) or at least jot a new one down once every hour. The point of this is that I want you to notice how easy it was to express yourself this way and notice how many of each you have. Was it really so hard to jot down a sad face when you feel sad? Maybe you should try it with your own face as well rather than trying to mask it.